Raise Girls, Not Princesses

photo credit: GoodMorningAmerica.com

This world is effed up sometimes. As great as it is, there is so much to worry about (all brought to light once you have children, it seems)... chemicals and hormones in our food, germs, supergerms, childhood obesity, the recession, education, the cost of childhood sports, the lack of art and music exposure, is my kid getting enough vitamin D, you name it. But lately, I guess because I am the mother of two girls, there is one that has been nagging at me really bad.

It all started with a conversation my sister and I had about the whole Disney Princess superbrand. She was surprised at my reluctance to allow my girls to have anything Disney Princess and asked me what my deal was. It was hard to put into words, really, because at that time my oldest was maybe 18 months and I hadn't really had the opportunity to sit back and think about why I had such a visceral feeling of ickiness whenever I thought of Disney Princess and my kids in the same breath. I think I mumbled something about overcommercialism and a corporate empire and I'm sure she invisibly rolled her eyes and we moved on.

Those words I semi-commitedly uttered that day were true; there is something just dead wrong about turning to the Disney megamachine for all things creative and fun. On its face, there is really nothing inherently wrong with Disney and its endeavors... it's when you look at everything together that it becomes a little insane. I will save this topic for another day, because there is just so much to cover to make my argument. But now that I have had more time to really process why I had such an issue with Disney Princess, I have an even bigger reason to consider.

I want to first say that I am not trying to villainize those sweet Disney Princesses. This isn't an anti-princess rant. It is an identification of a problem that I see recurring in the culture of girlhood, of which Disney Princess is a big part of for many. I keep seeing these awesome little girls give up being tough, rad, smart, bold and curious in favor of being pretty, diva, perfect, grownup and sexy. Yes I said sexy.

I have spent the better part of my life hanging out with small children. I started as a babysitter as many girls have, then on to daycare, I was a nanny for three awesome girls (and one charming boy) and finally was a Kindergarten and preschool teacher for several years. I have met some truly cool kids in all that time, and no joke, they have taught me so much and prepared me for motherhood in ways I could not have imagined. But in that time I have also witnessed girls with SO MUCH to offer become caught up in the pretty princess trap.

Now I am not the evil stepmother hating on the princesses over here. I have no issue with dress up, playing in makeup, hair bows, etc. I am just saying there is a difference in using those things creatively for fun and relying on them to feel pretty or to feel good/better about yourself. I want my girls to put just as much stock and value (if not more) in examining butterflies and doing math as they do in what they look like. The typical 5 year old girl should not be overly concerned with how they look. They should still be in that blissful state of relatively low self-consciousness! They should not know what eyeliner or extensions or botox or Sketchers Shape Ups are. They should not walk in high heels better than I do. They shouldn't wear pants with words across the butt. They should not want teeth whiteners. They should want to race their friends, do puzzles, paint, dance, be silly, snuggle with their parents, read, build with legos, make cookies, make funny faces, swim, sing (age appropriate) songs, smell flowers, pet animals and rave about how their teachers know everything.

There is so much fodder for the anti-sexy-little-girl argument, but here is one example from my real life. When I was a teacher, a girl came in to school with a new haircut after the holidays. She looked like a different kid; it was this little pixie haircut and she looked very cute. One little boy said, "you look hot!!" She was confused. I was grossed out. I asked him what he meant by "hot." He immediately got embarrassed and said he didn't know. I asked him if he meant she looked hot, like, not cold? He said no. I asked him if he meant hot like spicy food is hot? He said no. What did you mean then? He said, "I guess I meant her hair looked nice." So I replied, "ok, then maybe you should say that, because that makes much more sense to me and is way more respectful." He sheepishly looked at her and said, "umyournewhairlooksnice" and she smiled and said, "thank you." And inside I cringed for every 5 year old boy who didn't know how inappropriate "hot" was and every 5 year old girl who would ever be flattered by it.

There is this awesome website I came across called Pigtail Pals. The women over there are on a mission to "redefine girly." They are all about promoting the smarts, bravery, creativity and independence of girls of all ages. I have only scratched the surface of their site, but it is exactly the antidote I needed to combat the Hannah Montanas and Toddlers in Tiaras of the world. If you have a daughter, a granddaughter or niece, or a friend or neighbor with a daughter, I can't recommend this site enough.

And please don't think I hate tutus or pink or hairbows... I just don't want those things to overshadow the people that my two little girls are. And I am determined to (when they're little) shield them from, and (when they're older) educate them against the oversexualization of girls. (And if you think I am overreacting, click here.)

Comments

[Kim Rush]

Well said, Shannon, well said!

[tinuke]

This is very beautiful. I am a single 27 year old female. I hope to be a mother some day. I came across this looking for something totally unrelated to this.
This is a very very relevant topic in our current society.
When I started to read it, yes I thought it would be a rant, but its NOT!
It actually made me think. When I was a kid I was completely unaware of whether I was pretty or not, to me I was a kid PERIOD! and I was more than content with that. I did love to wear a pretty dress and get my hair done: but that was the extent of it. And I'd say thank you when people called me cute/pretty (no one called me HOT! lol)
Things have definitely changed. Reading this actually made me think about how I wanna raise my kids and what I definitely will not make a mistake of doing. I will let them be kids, not let them be so conscious of their looks at such a young age.
Very beautiful article. I love it.