Must Love Babies

New Year, New List

A new year has brought a whole new category of resolutions for me: kid resolutions. This is kind of a foreign category to me. For years my list was populated with the typical "lose weight," "exercise," "make my bed every day" type self-promises, but now I have two whole new people to make resolutions for. Because I am just that much of a control freak.

So without further ado, here are my resolutions for my girls (and I say MY resolutions because my husband vehemently refuses to participate in resolution-making):

• Plan menus and cook more. Doing this means less scrambling and feeling guilty for less than stellar meals. No more Kraft singles, m&ms and a vitamin for dinner!
  
• Get organized. I seem to spend a lot of time rearranging piles when the kids knock them over, looking for misplaced pacifiers, frantically realizing we are out of size 3 diapers, things like that. Being more organized will help me spend more time with the family and model being calm and collected instead of panicked!
• Clean the house regularly. I'm sure some of you are pros at this, but I am not. I regularly choose to play with the kids or sit down and relax for five minutes instead of picking up the mop, and that needs to change. I don't need a sparkling clean house full time, but I can certainly do better than I am doing now.
• Improve upon kids’ diets, eat at 6 p.m. sharp. Caroline likes just about everything, but for the sake of simpicity, she is often fed whatever Josie is willing to eat, which isn't much. That's not fair! So we will be buying a wider range of foods for her to eat (and I'm gonna have to get off my butt and make multiple meals) including things her parents won't even touch! No need to stifle her love of grape tomatoes anymore, she'll have the most varied diet of anyone in the house. Plus they take forever to eat, and bedtime seems to be too close to the end of dinner, so making it a bit earlier will allow them more down time (and digestion time) before bed.
  
• Get more control over money. Little unnecessaries add up. That's money I could be putting away for their college, or at least for training pants.
• Get a job. Yes, I am a stay at home mom, and yes, that is very important to me. But let's face it: money is important. Not to buy stuff, but to buy options. Money can send my kids to preschool. Money can buy us an occasional mini-vacation with our family, giving the girls experiences they can't get elsewhere. Money buys admission fees to museums and zoos, organic foods, sports registration fees, music lessons, etc. Having a ton of money is so not important to us; having enough money absolutely is. So that means I have to go back to work, and try to focus on the nice, long time I was able to stay home with the girls instead of my leaving them. And that is all I am going to say about that, because if I keep going, I'm gonna cry.
• Potty-train Josie. She is finally showing signs of readiness. We are go on the potty, we are go on the potty literature, we are go on the training pants. We are still waiting on my courage to show its face. It's so funny how once the kid is ready, the mom suddenly isn't. But in this next week or two, it's go time. Literally.
• Less tv, less computer, more music. I often have the tv on in the background for noise. I don't even notice it, but Josie evidently does, because she has the State Farm commercial fully memorized. THIS IS BAD. I would much rather have her memorize the words to "Box of Rain" or even some Barney song. Electronics in general, except those required to play music, need to have a smaller role in our house. (Said the blogger on her laptop, blogging while the TV is on mute and her husband is perusing his iPad.)
• Much less cursing, none in front of kids. Pretty self-explanatory. Josie is smart enough to repeat choice things at appropriate times, Caroline just repeats everything at all times. Danger!
  
• Be positive and thankful for what I have. There are just so many dang times when I focus on the stress of having two toddlers, the messiness, the clutter, the challenges. I really need to remember the big stuff... the fact that I even have two toddlers when so many people struggle to conceive. The fact that I have TWO of them from just TWO pregnancies when so many pregnancies end in miscarriage. The fact that those two girls are (knock on wood forever) healthy and issue-free. The fact that we have a home of our own, however small and squishy. The fact that I have an AWESOME husband who is not only gainfully employed but committed to supporting his family economically and emotionally (no small feat some days). The fact that we have fabulous families and two cars that are both paid off and in good shape and a sweet dog and we live in a safe neighborhood and we have heat and clean water at our disposal and... well I could go on and on. There is so much to be thankful for, I sometimes feel so stupid for stressing over the little things. I need to keep perspective!

I hope you all have a ton to be thankful for as well, and while there is nothing wrong with lamenting once in a while, we should use it as a tool for self-improvement rather than a complaint board whenever possible. Hence, the New Year's Resolutions! I have ten more just for me, but the list above is much more important. I hope to accomplish them as the year rolls on!

A Christmas to Remember (for Mommy and Daddy, Anyway)

Last year at Christmastime, we had just relocated from Massachusetts to Virginia, were in a rented house we were in negotiations to buy, everything was in boxes, Josie had not eaten a full meal in two weeks due to a lingering flu/difficulty adjusting to her new house, and we were all freezing because of an icy combination of a much colder than usual December and no insulation in the house. This was the extent of Christmas morning:

Thankfully, the kids were only 19 months and 6 months at the time, so they didn't fully realize what a slacker Christmas it truly was.

What a difference a year makes.

This year, first and foremost, we shopped for a real, live tree and decorated it with what Josie calls "ormants" and "kwiss-mass wights." As expected, the girls thought the decorating was a game: one ornament on and two off. These shots look like the girls are delicately placing ornaments on the tree, but they are actually pulling them off while we shout, "no, leave it!!!" for the 7th time in the background.

At last the tree was done!

(Josie calls the bows on the trees "butterflies.")

The girls further geared up for the holiday by watching their nightly "Christmas Show." This is a little 10 minute On Demand video under the Baby section that they are obsessed with:

It is also responsible for teaching both girls "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Sleigh Ride." Both their versions of the former are below, though one child might be - er - slightly tone deaf. Only time will tell.

                                                 3 stars

                                            um, 1.5 stars

Christmas Eve

Then came Christmas morning, and with a little coaching, the girls quickly turned pro at opening gifts. Between grandparents, aunts, uncles, Mom and Dad, and of course Santa, the girls had WAY more than enough. At their young age, too much can be a bad thing (plus no one likes spoiled shorties), so we are taking some gifts out of rotation. That way they appreciate what they have out, and in 2 or 3 months when they are starting to tire of what they've been playing with since Christmas, we can rotate in the ones we hid away and it'll be like Christmas all over again!

Paint!

Barrettes!

The M&Ms were a huge hit

The girls got some lovely gifts, but the coolest part was definitely seeing how excited they were about Santa, the tree, the lights, etc. I don't think they got the whole concept of Santa coming to the houses of good little boys and girls, but they liked him as a "character" in the whole Christmas event. It felt like they just began to understand the spirit of Christmas and all the fun stuff that goes with it. It helped that we got to see all our family over the holidays, that made it extra fun! But we loved seeing the girls begin to develop a sense of some of what "Christmas" was. It made us realize that things will only get more and more fun as they get older! Hope everyone had as great a Christmas as we did!

The Great Outdoors

This is just the best time of year. My kids LIVE for being outside. I can turn them loose in the backyard and I don't even need to give them toys, they'll just run and check out the leaves and chase the dog and scream when the dog turns around and chases them back. I'll watch them do this for a while, then I'll give them a couple balls or bubbles or giant blocks.

 

 

Yesterday I gave them two buckets and they collected fall leaves in them for easily 20 minutes, then we gathered them and threw them in the air. This no less than thrilled them. It's times like those when I am reminded how kids don't need the latest electronic this or the newest digital that to have fun. Kids look for fun in everything. If there is fun to be had, they'll find it. I want to be like this.

The hardest part is the coming back in, which always involves tears and sometimes even a temper tantrum (or two). Makes me look forward to us taking them camping one of these days!

Let 'Em Run

I have this theory that dogs are meant to be off leash and not tied up or tethered unless necessary. Necessary = vet visits, unruly, untrained or bad-mannered dogs, PetSmart trips, that kind of thing. I do think that it is important dogs be leash trained and can walk politely on a leash, and I also think leash time is important to the dynamic of the dog-owner relationship. But I also feel that dogs are wanderers and explorers by nature, and unless their breed or temperament excludes them from safely wandering off leash, they should be allowed to do just that in an appropriate area. 

I feel likewise about toddlers. When toddlers do finally get their legs, they want to use them 100% of the time. That's when you see them start to fight about getting in the carseat, the stroller, the seat of the grocery cart. I am lucky; my girls don't give me too much trouble in that area. But I also see the look of unbridled glee on their faces when they are allowed to wander. It makes us think that "off leash" time for them is just as important as it is for the dog!

A couple weekends ago we took them to the battlefields for a little nature walk. Both girls stuck by us at the beginning but it didn't take long for the wandering to begin:

Josie and Caroline obsessed over this little footbridge. They walked back and forth over it at least 50 times.

Caroline was our little biologist/geologist... she picked up and examined just about everything she saw.

Josie spent her time looking around, choosing her favorite spots, and sticking with them. It was tough to get her to move on sometimes!

Stevie (our dog) was also in her happy place!

This time of year is so awesome for getting outside... no sweating, sunburns, bees... and I know we will be hitting up parks, trails, playgrounds and fields for some more fall fun! Best part? Everyone loves it and it's FREE!

Sometimes I think dogs and kids aren't so far apart. They both give unconditional love, they both forgive easily, they both have a need to explore, they both need love, time, care and attention. I would love nothing more than to see my kids grow up to have a respect for nature and to love being outside, getting fresh air and sunshine. Hopefully we can foster that by letting them run around and discover the natural world on the regular!

The Fruitless Pursuit of Perfection

Before I became a mom, I was always under the impression that motherhood would bring out the supreme perfectionist in me. I always had those tendencies anyway, and I figured having children would prove to myself what a showstopper I could be. Ha!

Let me paint the real picture. Each day, I start out with my mental list of things I will perfectly and effortlessly accomplish. Playing with my kids, of course. Educational play (puzzles, ABCs, numbers, etc.). Arts and Crafts. Outdoor play. Baths. Vacuuming. Reorganizing closets. Dusting. Gym. Bathe the dog. Cut her nails. Put banana bread in oven. Bathe myself. Shave legs. Mend broken and ripped books. Play with dog. Make bed. Laundry. Organize coupons. Pay Bills. Post on blog. File old bills. Read to girls. Paint toenails. Start dinner.

Instead, a day often goes as blissful as this: Wake up. Feed the girls breakfast (it was supposed to be oatmeal, but Eggo waffles are faster). Check Facebook. Spend 20 minutes convincing Josie that pears are delicious. Eat Josie's pears while she scrambles down from table. Play with girls. Check email. Realize it is way too late for a bath for the girls and give them the old washcloth spritz. Drag everyone to the gym. Realize I am sweating and tired and I haven't even worked out yet. Back home, late lunch for the girls. Jam them into a nap and get a shower. Hmm, maybe now might be a good time to brush my teeth, seeing as it's 2 p.m. Check Facebook. Turn on Bravo. Damn, it's Millionaire Matchmaker, Plan B. Go to put a load of laundry in, realize there is still wet laundry in the washer from 3 days ago, rewash. Feel guilty that I haven't formally walked the dog in like 2 weeks. Did I eat lunch yet? Eh I'll just wait for dinner and eat this, uh what is this? Oh ok a Twizzler, sounds good. Crap, I didn't take the chicken out of the freezer. Looks like it's frozen pizza night. One of the girls is up early from her nap, great. Sit her down to paint but she just gets paint all over her white shorts, which irritates me, so we color instead. Now the other one is up. Early. I need to make myself some coffee. But I didn't eat so I'll get too shaky. Maybe I should check Facebook again. Ok, tackle those coupons. The short baby gets in my coupons and messes up my piles. Then the bigger one grabs my scissors and runs (yes, runs. With scissors.) away. Hubby will be home any minute and the house looks like Fisher Price had an exploding baby with Melissa & Doug. Dog whines to go out. I should probably go to the bathroom myself before I wet my pants. Instead I look up recipes for healthy crock pot dinners that I will never make. You know, on that off chance I can find a last-minute, inspired recipe that involves peanut butter and deli ham, because that's all we have that is not frozen solid. Too late. Hubby comes home and the guilt of having done nothing I planned on sets in.

Wow! Look at those paragraphs! The last paragraph is way longer and looks like I got a lot more done than the paragraph before it. Alas, there be-ith the rub. I manage to do less in more time than my perfect mom-counterparts do in far less time. I wonder: is it me, am I not cut out to stay at home with my children? Am I too ADD to manage it? Is my problem that I take on too much, or I don't write my list down, or that I let my kids distract me, or that I hate pressure so I don't even try? Is it really true that the path to hell is lined with good intentions? Am I going to hell??

Here is what I have determined so far. Yes, I think it is true that there are those moms out there who are super organized, efficient multi-taskers, proactive think-aheaders, can tune into multiple streams of stimuli at once, and can look good and have makeup on and jewelry besides.

Then there's me. Though I think I have a TON of room for improvement, I do think I am a pretty decent mom. I try to let my kids be who they are without too much interference. I try to be laid back. I try to instill in them respect, manners, courtesy, empathy, kindness. I play with them, read to them, wrestle with them, let them pretend to put makeup on me, sing to them endlessly. I make sure they are clean (at some point) every day, fed, clothed in matching (or at least not clashing) outfits, nails cut, teeth brushed, happy. I remember their short little pasts fondly -- and a little tearfully sometimes -- and I plan for their futures. I try to keep their present fun, exciting, stimulating and full of love. And I do it all looking rough, feeling scattered, and inside a house that needs a good once-over with the old Hoover.

And those perfect moms? Sure, they exist. They in their matchy matchy outfits, Starbucks latte in hand at the playground, Janie and Jack-clad kids playing gleefully. The ones with the best tasting, low-calorie-though-you-wouldn't-know-it dinner in the crock pot at home and a fresh baked dessert on tap for after. The ones that effortlessly wallpapered their giant laundry rooms while their 2 year old twins napped peacefully. The ones who actually have energy left for their husbands at night and keep up on all their correspondence with college friends and make their bed each morning and blog weekly about their latest (completely inventive) craft and get four workouts a week in and volunteer at their kids' preschools. Those moms. I used to hate them, but I am learning to not care and compare so much, and soon, I hope to admire them.

Admire them in a distant, passive way, that is... as I change my kid's disposable diaper on the grass and scratch what's left of my toenail polish off as my daughter eats a stick that no doubt some drooly dog left behind. My smiley, sweet, filthy daughter. I'll take it.

Raise Girls, Not Princesses

photo credit: GoodMorningAmerica.com

This world is effed up sometimes. As great as it is, there is so much to worry about (all brought to light once you have children, it seems)... chemicals and hormones in our food, germs, supergerms, childhood obesity, the recession, education, the cost of childhood sports, the lack of art and music exposure, is my kid getting enough vitamin D, you name it. But lately, I guess because I am the mother of two girls, there is one that has been nagging at me really bad.

It all started with a conversation my sister and I had about the whole Disney Princess superbrand. She was surprised at my reluctance to allow my girls to have anything Disney Princess and asked me what my deal was. It was hard to put into words, really, because at that time my oldest was maybe 18 months and I hadn't really had the opportunity to sit back and think about why I had such a visceral feeling of ickiness whenever I thought of Disney Princess and my kids in the same breath. I think I mumbled something about overcommercialism and a corporate empire and I'm sure she invisibly rolled her eyes and we moved on.

Those words I semi-commitedly uttered that day were true; there is something just dead wrong about turning to the Disney megamachine for all things creative and fun. On its face, there is really nothing inherently wrong with Disney and its endeavors... it's when you look at everything together that it becomes a little insane. I will save this topic for another day, because there is just so much to cover to make my argument. But now that I have had more time to really process why I had such an issue with Disney Princess, I have an even bigger reason to consider.

I want to first say that I am not trying to villainize those sweet Disney Princesses. This isn't an anti-princess rant. It is an identification of a problem that I see recurring in the culture of girlhood, of which Disney Princess is a big part of for many. I keep seeing these awesome little girls give up being tough, rad, smart, bold and curious in favor of being pretty, diva, perfect, grownup and sexy. Yes I said sexy.

I have spent the better part of my life hanging out with small children. I started as a babysitter as many girls have, then on to daycare, I was a nanny for three awesome girls (and one charming boy) and finally was a Kindergarten and preschool teacher for several years. I have met some truly cool kids in all that time, and no joke, they have taught me so much and prepared me for motherhood in ways I could not have imagined. But in that time I have also witnessed girls with SO MUCH to offer become caught up in the pretty princess trap.

Now I am not the evil stepmother hating on the princesses over here. I have no issue with dress up, playing in makeup, hair bows, etc. I am just saying there is a difference in using those things creatively for fun and relying on them to feel pretty or to feel good/better about yourself. I want my girls to put just as much stock and value (if not more) in examining butterflies and doing math as they do in what they look like. The typical 5 year old girl should not be overly concerned with how they look. They should still be in that blissful state of relatively low self-consciousness! They should not know what eyeliner or extensions or botox or Sketchers Shape Ups are. They should not walk in high heels better than I do. They shouldn't wear pants with words across the butt. They should not want teeth whiteners. They should want to race their friends, do puzzles, paint, dance, be silly, snuggle with their parents, read, build with legos, make cookies, make funny faces, swim, sing (age appropriate) songs, smell flowers, pet animals and rave about how their teachers know everything.

There is so much fodder for the anti-sexy-little-girl argument, but here is one example from my real life. When I was a teacher, a girl came in to school with a new haircut after the holidays. She looked like a different kid; it was this little pixie haircut and she looked very cute. One little boy said, "you look hot!!" She was confused. I was grossed out. I asked him what he meant by "hot." He immediately got embarrassed and said he didn't know. I asked him if he meant she looked hot, like, not cold? He said no. I asked him if he meant hot like spicy food is hot? He said no. What did you mean then? He said, "I guess I meant her hair looked nice." So I replied, "ok, then maybe you should say that, because that makes much more sense to me and is way more respectful." He sheepishly looked at her and said, "umyournewhairlooksnice" and she smiled and said, "thank you." And inside I cringed for every 5 year old boy who didn't know how inappropriate "hot" was and every 5 year old girl who would ever be flattered by it.

There is this awesome website I came across called Pigtail Pals. The women over there are on a mission to "redefine girly." They are all about promoting the smarts, bravery, creativity and independence of girls of all ages. I have only scratched the surface of their site, but it is exactly the antidote I needed to combat the Hannah Montanas and Toddlers in Tiaras of the world. If you have a daughter, a granddaughter or niece, or a friend or neighbor with a daughter, I can't recommend this site enough.

And please don't think I hate tutus or pink or hairbows... I just don't want those things to overshadow the people that my two little girls are. And I am determined to (when they're little) shield them from, and (when they're older) educate them against the oversexualization of girls. (And if you think I am overreacting, click here.)

Farm Life

I have this dream of living on a farm. I don't want to be a farmer, per se, but I do want to have a productive garden, fruit trees, animals -- multiple animals, and land. And large pieces of equipment to maintain said land.

From ages 3ish to 8ish I lived on a horse farm. Anyone who is older than 8 knows that these are formative years. This is when you really start to have developed memories of childhood. My memories from this time mainly involve horses (naturally), hay, clover, fields, salt licks, polishing tack, playing in stalls, riding lessons, dirt trails, the creek, and riding my big wheel. And my horses, too. You'll notice these are all outside memories. Sure I have inside memories too, but if I think back to that time in my life, I immediately think of being outside, because I was -- so much.

Me, about 1980

We then moved to a typical suburban neighborhood with, well -- neighbors, lots of them. And asphalt. And mailboxes, and cars, and driveways and parking spaces and a bird's eye view that looked like a maze with lots of dead ends. And it was a nice neighborhood as far as neighborhoods go, but it wasn't the farm.

I have always wanted to get back to the kind of life we had on the farm when I was a kid. I realize I was little, and though I had chores, I sure didn't have the responsibility of the whole of the property. I do remember my mom and dad working pretty hard. But look at the payoff: privacy, peace, quiet, tranquility, happiness. I don't think it is in my or my husband's nature to want to care for a ton of acreage, but 5 or 10 would be welcome, especially if it came with neighbors that were not visible.

Another reason I would love to live in the country is to keep animals. I have this idea that kids need to be around animals. Animals teach compassion, empathy, life cycles, selflessness and responsibility. They are also provide unconditional love, which no child can ever have too much of. Both my girls love animals. When they see anything with fur, Josie says "oohhhh coot (cute)" and Caroline scrunches her nose up more than I knew was physically possible and says "nnnnnnNNN!" They both love all dogs and cats and I know for a fact they would totally get into the animals I want: goats, sheep, alpacas, more dogs, cats, chickens and a miniature horse. One day, I am telling you.

In the meantime, we tested the waters by taking the girls to the Fredericksburg Fair, the oldest running agricultural fair in the country. The first thing we saw when we went in was the petting zoo. You could buy a little bag of carrot chips for a buck and that was well worth the price considering the 20 minutes of steady entertainment and thrills it gave my girls:

Then it was off to have a picnic lunch. Well the girls had a picnic lunch packed from home, Mommy and Daddy had some really decent BBQ from Benjamin's BBQ. We shared.

Then it was back home to our own personal petting zoo, consisting of one exactly one canine.

She'll be the first furry friend on our farm, but with any luck, hopefully not the last.